THE PAINS OF SINGLEHOOD AND THE REWARDS OF PATIENCE

One of the major questions I got after writing single without wrinkle was “how do I deal with depression as a single?” but I wanted more practical examples and somehow I came across this amazing lady I will be interviewing today, she was so full of life attending weddings of her younger ones and she was single, I asked myself “who is this lady? I need to know her secret”  moving closer to her I knew it was beyond ordinary and that is why today I am interviewing her so that she can share her story, the pains, the joy and even the rewards of patience. Getting her for this interview was a bit tough because of her schedule and all but she was so humble and kind to squeeze out time and I’m super grateful for that.

Onomewrites: Good ma’am, tell us something about you

Atinuke: My name is Atinuke Salako, I come from a family of six, I am the second child and I studied Mass communication.

Onomewrites: what makes Atinuke so special and unique?

Atinuke: What makes Atinuke unique is what and how God made her to be. I can boldly say I’m unique to the glory of God alone, looking at all the positive mysteries that surrounds my birth, my growing up, my career and the peak of it, is my marital status.

Onomewrites: Marital status? Tell us about your love life?

Atinuke: I started dating early, I had my first boyfriend in SS2, I kept meeting wrong ones, they all wanted sex so when I refuse they pulled out of the relationship but some years later I started dating this guy and it was serious, I met his parents and he knew mine but the issue started when I realized he wasn’t committed. I started working at 25 so by then I was ready for marriage, I didn’t want to disturb him but the issue was he wasn’t serious about me until when he walked out of the relationship in 2015, 2015 was terrible for me, 6 years of my life with somebody and it led to nowhere I was hurt but at the end of the day I am glad it did not work out.

Onomewrites: wow, that’s serious, did you ever get depressed while waiting.

Atinuke: Yes I was at a time. The reason being that, like I mentioned earlier, I had a relationship of about 6 years that led to nowhere. To the glory of God, I was able to pick myself up and move on. Along the waiting period, a deceiver came into the picture, though I never fell into his trap, but it weighed me down. At a time, I was supposed to be in church, even to minister as a chorister, I woke up feeling depressed, had to switch off my phone because I knew that calls would come in from my Pastor, unit and church members. Thank God for the life of my Pastor then, the Lord used him for me, he got the revelation of what I was passing through at that moment, his call came in very early the next day and he said “I understand what happened” I started weeping, he counseled and prayed with me and ever since I refused to get depressed. Not easy my dear, but thank God it’s worth it. 

Onomewrites: How did you get over the depression?

Atinuke: How I got over it? I’m a lover of God since my childhood, I’ve worked in most units of the church and that kept me going. I was lost in the service of God, not minding my age, my status and whatever that was happening then. Some of my members and even my Pastor would pray that “God will look at your services in His vineyard and compensate you, because you deserve nothing but the best” I’ll say Amen. Only God knows how He would go about it. I was sha doing my own.

Onomewrites: so how did you spend your singlehood?

Atinuke: My single hood?  Nothing much. I’ve been a church girl from childhood, after the day’s work, if I’m not in my house, or my aunt’s house, I’ll be in church and that’s all. My Pastor would always laugh at me that I don’t go out. Once I’m hearing good sound of music, I’m good to go. 

I forgot to mention that during my years of waiting there was a particular period that I had single fathers coming my way (like two sha) and were asking for serious relationship, I said what! Are these part of my trying time or what. I accepted to be their friend and took them as my father and that was all. So to me, singleness was like a training school for me, had different experiences about marriages, about life and the likes. 

Onomewrites: How did you meet your fiancé?

Atinuke: How I met him? It was a divine arrangements o. Because it’s a way long far distance. Met him through a Pastor friend though. At a time, I was like all the while that I’ve been in this very State, you mean Mr. Right had been in a different State too. What a mystery, he once asked too that what happened to the guys where I reside? Thank God for everything, He gave me my best friend of friends. 

Onomewrites: How did you know he was the one?

Atinuke: Hmmmm, Onome!!! (Laughs) Though, I’ve always been praying to God that God o, I must not miss it in my marriage, give me the very man for me, because I’ve waited long enough not to enjoy marriage. During the waiting period, I didn’t remember to add that prayers became my way of life, not because I’m waiting but because I derive fellowship and unforgettable moments with my God. I came across a lot of ministers of God that adopted me. I’m blessed having them in my life. So when my prince charming came around, at first I said he’s not my kind of man in stature but I like him as a person. He has every other good qualities as a husband. I entered my war room, thank God for coming through to me, that unto Him I commit everything, that He should go ahead and give much clearer picture if truly He’s involved. And truly He proved Himself, I got conviction and confirmation to go ahead that I was safe, God took the wheel and we embarked on the journey. 

Ayọ mi (My joy) Don’t mind me, that’s what I call him. He’s my kind of person, understands me so well, he’s so matured, always tolerate my excess o, hmmmm. Man of prayers, very hardworking… let’s leave the rest sha (laughs).

Onomewrites: okay, all these lovey dovey things, can you say you are glad you waited?

Atinuke: I was glad I waited o, being the second born of the family. My older sister is almost 7 years in marriage. You know what that means. That I ought to have followed suite few years after her own. My grandmother once said it to my face that it has not happened before, the younger one should not follow the older one. I felt bad, like how was that my fault? Thank God for my mother, I called her and told her “Mum, please don’t give me pressure, when I’m ready I’m ready. If anybody ask you, tell them it’s happening soon to save yourself the stress”. She once said someone was saying it jokingly to her that abi “She’s selective ni” I just smiled when she was telling me. 

Thank God, He gave me my Aarons (Spiritual fathers and mothers) during those seasons.  I never looked like what I was passing through then. Not even looking aged at all (It’s God all the same). I joined the school of thought that age is just a number. I attended weddings of those that are older than me, my mates and those that are even far younger than me.  I lived my jolly cool life to the Glory of God alone, not minding what people would say or are saying to my face or behind me. Mbahhh! 

ONOME, truly the wait was worth it. I believe strongly that God kept me for million reasons o. Yes! I learnt to be strong for my God, my family, my church, my society and most importantly, my humble self. Like I said earlier, I never looked like what I’ve passed through rara. I’m always happy, Atinuke danced like no man business in the presence of my maker. I do tell them that, if I don’t attend parties to dig the dance, why won’t I be lost in His presence where I derive everlasting pleasure.  I learnt to trust in God the more, I learnt to wait on Him, pray and trust His leading.  I learnt to wave away society, family and friends pressure. The mentality that if you are 30 and still single, definitely you have a spiritual problem. But no, nothing was wrong with Atinuke. My God kept me for my King ni o.

Onomewrites: What a testimony! You had a lot to deal with but thank God for you, thank God you chose patience, so what’s your charge for singles?

Atinuke: To the singles. 

Humanly speaking, it is never going to be easy but it is always worth it only by the grace of God alone. 

My consolation is always from His word. Especially:
Isaiah 40:29: He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.

Isaiah 40:30 Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:

Isaiah 40:31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

Psalm 34:4 I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.

Wait on the Lord. If you have been jilted or broken hearted before, don’t hesitate to let go, forget the past, pick yourself up and move on with your life and if you are in a vision less relationship, if you notice the guy or the lady is not ready to be committed or ready for any  serious relationship. Kindly let them go, some people are just time wasters.

Do not allow your family, society and friends pressure or push you to the journey of no return. Keep yourself for your King, he’s somewhere coming to you at the appointed time.  Don’t feel intimidated, ashamed or depressed. Be happy in your single hood, get busy with something tangible in your life and get busy for the Lord. Always make yourself happy and be radiant. The secret of being joyful is that it gets the devil crazy, It is when you look unkempt and looking for self-pity from people that he gets at you, and bring all sorts of temptations your way and don’t forget to keep yourself pure, you are worth waiting for.

Onomewrites: Thank you so much ma’am, so when is the wedding.

Atinuke: To the glory of God the wedding takes place on the 14th of April

Onomewrites: wawu, next weekend. I’m sure we are all invited.

Atinuke: (Laughs) Definitely.

Onomewrites: Thank you so much for your time ma.

Atinuke: It’s an honour and thank you for having me

CONCLUSIONCONCLUSION

CONCLUSION

“When the lord turned again the captivity of zion, we were like they that dream.” –Psalms 127:1

This is Miss Atinuke’s song, like she said it was not easy but the wait was worth it, singleness feels so annoying but if we embrace patience the best will come around. Keep being joyful, your king/queen is worth waiting for, be patient because soon I will share your testimony.

Your friend and sister,

Omodara Onome.