Onomewrites

November 22, 2019November 22, 2019

He Is not into me

Have you ever wanted someone so bad but the person is not looking in your direction? Or has your love interest put you in the friend zone? I know that feeling; let me tell you my story.

I had eyes for him from afar and the first day we spoke, he said I was intelligent; this made me melt. Concentration was impossible whenever I was around him. I knew guys like him would never have anything to do with girls like me (I was first rejected by my low self-esteem). I was a nerd and a bookworm. I didn’t like parties so I was convinced he would never like me.

The first time we met, I liked him. We had a conversation on books and feminism, which led him to say I am Intelligent. He was impressed by my ability to hold an intelligent conversation, so he asked for my phone number. I knew he liked me but he was scared his friends would laugh at him if he had anything to do with me.

I desired him but we became platonic friends. I was that friend he would speak with for long hours on the phone but would avoid in public. I was quite comfortable being in the shadows; at least I was the girl he spent more than 3 hours over the phone with.

I wanted more but I only appealed to him intellectually. I was upset when he started dating a friend of mine. (She was sexy and cute; no surprise he went for her). I stopped picking his calls. I sent him a message when I found out he was with my friend but he didn’t reply to my message, so I let him be.

Some years later we reconnected and became good friends. We had both become mature and knew what we wanted from life. The problem was; my feelings were rekindled and this time it was intense. I wanted to deny my feelings but the more I tried, the stronger it became.

We had become best of friends and I didn’t want to lose the friendship, so I decided to play it cool, but deep down; I was in love. I prayed about it and heard a ‘yes’ (I actually wasn’t expecting any other answer). I started praying that God would convince him to ask me out but the prayer never got answered. I had to summon the courage to ask him.

I asked him what we were doing because we ended every phone call with “I love you” and he would call me sweet names. I needed clarity. He told me he loved me but was still praying about us.

I waited patiently but couldn’t pretend any longer. I needed to be sure where we were headed as I had no time to waste. I called one evening and told him we needed to talk. We spoke at length then he gave me the shock of my life. He said, “Bunmi, God is not saying anything about us”. I couldn’t hold back the tears. ‘What was wrong with me?’ I thought my days of singleness were behind but they just started.

I went back to God for healing. That was when I discovered it was never God’s idea but mine. I concluded on God’s behalf. It was a painful experience but looking back now, I am grateful it did not work out. We are still friends but it took me a long time to realize that we could never have worked out as a couple because our purposes do not align but I was willing to compromise because my feelings for him were so deep.

CONCLUSION

Here’s the thing; I know it hurts that he is not looking at your direction and that he sees you as a sister and a friend but you can’t force a man to love you! If he is meant to be yours, he will come around. You have to trust God to give you the best you deserve.

“Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.” (Ecclesiastes 3: 11) NLT.

A lot of times we are in a hurry and we allow impatience to fuel our desires and influence our decisions but we have to be patient to get the best. I understand that you like him. He makes your heart skip when he is around and you can’t control your emotions. My sister, you need to relax.

There is time for everything. Relationships are way beyond butterflies in the belly. The one God has for you is always worth the wait. You don’t have to embarrass yourself and make stupid decisions to make a man love you.

You can’t force relationships; it has to happen naturally. You need to stop worrying your head about the how and the when. Let God write your love story because He has your best interest at heart and He loves you so much so, you can be rest assured he will give you the best.

I know it hurts, but you have to let him go so you can embrace God’s best for you. Begin your healing process and allow God to give you the best at the right time.

RELATED: GOD, WHEN?

I look forward to sharing your love story!

Your friend and sister,

Onome Omodara

October 10, 2019October 10, 2019

RELATIONSHIP WAS MY IDOL

Hi fam,

Forgive me for taking a break. I know it has been a while but I can assure you that it is all for good. I have been learning, unlearning and relearning but thank you for sticking with me and cheering me on. You are more than amazing.

There was a time in my life when I made relationship my idol. I longed for closure. I irrationally hoped that a man would love me with all my baggage. I was not interested in making any attempt at self-development. All that mattered to me was being in a relationship. Hence, I became desperately obsessed.

I was told that God is the answer, so I intensified my prayers; in hopes that God would bring me a good man. Perhaps if I became a good Christian, I would attract a good man. This became my idol. I was desperately aching for a genuine relationship but I was the obstacle.

I had a lot of issues I needed to deal with. I had secrets I was not ready to share or come to terms with; rather, I expected a good man to show up like a knight in shining armour and fix my problems by the wave of his sword.

I was tired of making mistakes. I was tired of being broken and dejected. Coming to God meant I had to stop idolizing relationships and allow Him be my lover and best friend.

May I be completely honest with you???

Letting go was hard but I knew without a doubt, that God loves me. I had to come to the realization that I was idolizing relationships. I was overwhelmed with the need to be in a relationship that I had forgotten how to be single. I had forgotten how to live.

The day I handed over my relationship to God, I knew I had come to a place of rest. I was at peace with myself and my status. I became genuinely happy for my friends who were getting engaged or married.

LOVE SO BEAUTIFUL: BUSAYOMI ‘19

This particular love story is one that excites me, it’s the kind of love that comes your way and you will say “when the Lord turn around the captivity of Zion, we were like them that dream” God is still the best matchmaker.

I met Busayo while she was going through a terrible heartbreak and you can tell how I felt when she called to let me know that she has finally met Mr Right, I was even more dazzled when she said he proposed and they will be getting married before the end of the year.

Busayo is an amazing lady with a heart of gold, she is a woman of virtue with a heart that yearns for God and Bunmi, on the other hand, is a man with so much wisdom, gentle as a dove and a kind heart.

The duo make such a beautiful couple and when you sit with them for a minute they can make you jealous but beyond the affection is the passion to be committed to each other and help each other grow.

Interviewing this couple was so much fun and a very enlightening one, they were both so real and ready to share their testimonies.

Make sure you grab a bottle of cold Fanta and a slice of cake to step down while you read the beautiful love story of Busayo and Bunmi.

Enjoy!

Onome: Tell us something about you and what makes you special?

Busayo: I’m Elizabeth Busayo Bada, a native of the famous Abeokuta town in Ogun state, I’m an artist and a proud believer. I am also a graduate of visual art from the University of Lagos.

I believe every person is very unique and we all possess unique abilities from our backgrounds to experiences, passion and even gifts, we are all specially made.

I am a very unique being and some things make me stand out, from my creativity to my belief, gift, strength, passion, my identity in Christ and all the word says I am.

Bunmi: I believe every individual is special. The mere fact that there is no one else in the world that possesses the same DNA, fingerprints, experiences, perspectives and imperfections as I do makes me unique. I am fearfully and wonderfully made by God with hopes and dreams geared towards a unique purpose.

Back to me, I’m Raphael Bunmi Ogunjemilusi from Ayegbaju- Ekiti in Ekiti State, Nigeria. I’m a graduate of marine biology from the University of Lagos and I’m currently a doctoral student at Bristol University, UK.

My favourite food is yam and egg and I relax by listening to music and binge-watching TV series

Onome: Tell us about your waiting season?

Busayo: Hmmmm…. Onome, my waiting season. That’s a long talk but I will keep it short.

It really wasn’t actually a smooth ride before meeting this handsome heaven sent. Actually hearing God for what he wants you to do and not what you wish in your heart will go a long way in getting it right at once.

For me, it was a lesson and a phase, to start with I didn’t have the luxury of getting it right at once as I’ve always wished. We all have wishes and dreams and one of my dreams was to meet Mr. right early, I always thought the first man I would meet will be my husband so I tried but it didn’t work out, I gave the relationship my best but it never worked out, I was heartbroken, lost and confused.

Little did I know God had something better and bigger… He is still the best love story writer that’s all I can say. During my period of a failed relationship, I poured out my heart to God, prepared myself the more in all aspect and understood I really can’t do it all by myself but to lean on Him to lead and guide me.

Good things they say come when you’re not looking or when you least expect it. Something my waiting period thought me is patience, personal development and hearing God for what he’ll actually have me do and not something I have concluded in my mind before approaching Him, I also got to understand that it’s not just enough to love someone, its only meaningful when you’re loved back, doing opposite of all these can be draining and can distract you from God’s will and purpose for your life.

Patience and personal development in all aspect of life are key things that will help to pull through the waiting period successfully.

Bunmi: I only started actively seeking a relationship shortly after university in 2011. I didn’t want to be in a relationship just so I can say I ‘have someone’. I wanted something meaningful and long-term. My first relationship was in 2013, but it didn’t work out. Since then I decided to focus on my personal development in all areas and at the same time praying to God for a life partner that would be a lover and a friend. So, I would say my waiting season was a period of self-discovery and building myself up mentally, spiritually and career-wise.

Onome: How did you meet your husband/ wife and how did you know he/she was the one?

Busayo: Well, I met him through a mutual friend who is a dear brother to me and someone I can call my confidant, he really knows a lot about me. I had a lot going on with me personally during this period so at first, I wasn’t really thinking about starting a relationship, but as we progressed we grew so attached… so it’s not really some love at first sight thing or a fairy tale story, like I mentioned earlier due to the fact that I had a lot going on with me personally as at when we got introduced to each other so I wasn’t even thinking of a relationship but God had a better plan.

I saw a lot of amazing qualities in him from our first conversation, beyond the qualities what got me growing in love with him was first of all his eagerness towards the word of God and learning more another thing was his push towards me being a better version in all aspects, he believed in me even more than I believed in myself.

I was just getting over heartbreak from a previous relationship and this period made it kind of hard for me to embrace the signs and leadings I was getting towards building something more with him but the more I fought, the more it became stronger, I felt I needed more time to get healed

I wanted to be very certain because I didn’t want to make the same mistake but like the bible says, He makes everything beautiful in His own time so when it became so clear, I took the step of faith and began this journey and till date I have no regrets and I would never have.

Bunmi: I met her through a mutual friend. I was on a phone call with the said friend and during our conversation, he mentioned an artwork he is currently looking at on Instagram. He told me the artist is his family friend and sent me her username on IG. I went to check out her page and told him it was really beautiful. Long story short, he gave me her number and said I should say ‘Hello’.

From our conversations from the very first time I called her; I could tell she was someone I wanted to be friends with. Our friendship grew over time and after some time I noticed she possesses all the qualities I wanted in a significant other. I was convinced she was the one for me. I took out some time to pray about it and I felt the peace of God surrounding the steps I was about to take.

Onome: How is it like preparing for your wedding?

Busayo: Onome to be real with you It’s really challenging, especially when you have to do this within a short period of time and with your partner not close by to do the planning, shopping and all with you physically.

But thank God for maximum support from families and friends that God put in our lives who were always ready to sacrifices just to make sure we are not alone.

On the other hand, it’s fun to spend more time with and to plan with these wonderful people.

Bunmi: To be honest it’s a mix of fun and challenges. Planning for the wedding day – contacting vendors, shopping etc and at the same time carrying on with other aspects of life requires a lot of wisdom and dedication. The key is to always communicate with your partner and all the parties involved. It is also helpful to get families and friends on board quite early to assist with the preparation

Onome: What is the place of God in choosing a partner?

Busayo: The place of God is something that should never be compromised in choosing a partner because it’s not enough to love someone, the God factor cannot be thrown away. He’s the only one that can lead you to the right partner because He knows the end from the beginning so its best we rely on his leading when it comes to choosing a partner.

Bunmi: God knows the end from the beginning and the inner workings of everyman, so as a believer, It is ill-advised to not seek the mind of God in choosing a partner. The place of God in choosing a partner cannot be overemphasized really. He is the third cord that joins and holds the other two together.

Onome: Your advice to singles who are waiting

Busayo: It’s good to understand that finding the right person is a matter of being the right person

So don’t just wait for the right person to come into your life, be the right person by intentionally and deliberately developing yourself in all aspects of your life, no aspect is too small to pay attention to.

Bunmi: I believe marriage doesn’t change who we are but only amplifies who we are while single/waiting. Therefore, it is important to make the most of your waiting season. Give utmost attention to your spiritual, personal and career development. Trust and rest in the promises of God and develop habits that are consistent with who you are in Christ.

Onome: Congratulations to you guys, when is the wedding.

Busayo: it’s this weekend 20^th of July, all road leads to Ijebu-Ode in Ogun state.

Onome: I hope we are invited?

Bunmi: (smiles) of course! The more the merrier.

Onome: Thank you for your time, we do appreciate you.

Bunmi and Busayo: It’s an honour, we appreciate the opportunity to share our story!

Conclusion

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.” (Ecclesiastes 3:11 NLT)

I know there are days you want to just throw your hands up in the air and give up but the truth is God is behind the scene working out the best for you. Busayo’s story is one that gives me so much joy, her story is proof that God can work behind the scene and give you the best.

She was really heartbroken, frustrated and pained but look at God, He gave her beauty for ashes. He gave her a man that adores her, I’m not kidding, Bunmi adores and values her and with the help of God, their home will be heaven on earth.

I don’t know what you are going through but let this story encourage you that you are not alone, you will come out stronger. Keep getting better, keep building yourself up and keep growing to be whom God has said you will be.

I look forward to sharing your love story because when God aligns you it will be a forever love story!

Your friend,

Onome Omodara

June 14, 2019June 14, 2019

LETTER TO MY FUTURE HUSBAND

Dear Future Husband,

I prayed for you this morning. I asked God to watch over you as you go through this day. I told Him to grant you wisdom in the pursuit of your dreams and to work on you while we wait to become one.

I am the definition of a Proverbs 31 woman in the flesh; did I just write that? That is a lie: I am still growing into a completely balanced woman. The truth is, I still make silly mistakes and my mum still reminds me that I will get married soon, so I need to be better. Another thing is, God is not done with me yet.

Baby, I know you are not perfect either so we can use our imperfection to build a marriage that is beautiful! I want you to know that your past does not matter because Christ already forgave you; so I won’t hold your past against you and I hope you can do the same when it comes to mine.

I know you are the Ephesians 5 man: a man who yearns for the father, so I am confident that you will lead our family in the way of the Lord. You see, I know people have different opinions about me; some think I am proud, others think I am talkative, some even think I play too much, others just think I am secretive, while some think I am a flirt, but I know you are the best person to tell the world who I really am.

Baby, I know you are a man who will support and encourage my dreams and with you, my dreams can only get multiplied. I am also willing to carry your vision so that together, we can fulfil God’s mandate and purpose for our lives and relationship.

You have been given grace for this journey and when we are together, we will create magic and make our Father proud. I am not like the other women you have met: I am different, always ready to learn and eager to grow. I have been in different situations, met some bad eggs, but I am grateful because they have taught me to appreciate and love you better.

I am coming like a child; humble and open to learning. I am also coming like a mature and experienced woman, to work with you in building a great home. Someday, I will write books and dedicate them to you and our children. I will write about our marriage, to help inspire the next generation.

Together, we will take Jesus around the world and show people that good marriages still exist. I know we will have beautiful and smart children who we will raise in the way of the Lord.

Dear future husband, I look forward to the day I will look into your eyes and make that vow of commitment, to be right by your side for the rest of our lives, because I know our coming together is a blessing!

I want you to know that I love you already and with Jesus, we can overcome any challenge that may come our way.

Your future wife.

Conclusion

I wrote this letter to my future husband, and at the same time, for every single lady reading this; to know that the journey to the covenant is very important and the wait is always worth it. While we wait for the day we get to say “I do”, let us make a commitment to grow and pray for our future husbands; because when the Ephesians 5 man meets the Proverbs 31 woman, you can bet that marriage will be heaven on earth.

If you feel so lonely you need to know that you are not alone. I am your friend and we can always talk about it.

Until we meet again, which is very soon: I love you!

Your friend and sister,

Onome Omodara

April 30, 2019April 30, 2019

IN LOVE WITH A CHURCH BOY

While growing up, I was eager to date a church boy: I felt they would be kind and know how to treat a woman right, but that mindset changed as I grew older. I encountered the bad eggs and was petrified to realize; that some approved sex before marriage.

I have had my share of wrong relationships; the scariest heartbreak I had was from a guy I met in church. After the experience, I made up my mind I was done with church boys. As a matter of fact, I didn’t mind dating an unbeliever: I told myself I would drag him to church, but God had better plans for me. Interestingly, I got to meet a church boy about two years later and I am passionately in love with this man.

This article is not about me. I know there are people like me, who gave up on church boys, and some, who would rather meet a man in a club, than in church. I am not judging your decisions but before you give up on godly men, you need to read this…

THE EPHESIANS 5 MAN

“In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself” (Ephesians 5:28).

The reason a lot of us are dealing with heartbreaks is because, we keep doing things God didn’t ask us to do. God never asked you to date a church boy. It wasn’t written anywhere in the scriptures, that you have to marry a man you meet in church.

The church is like a hospital: some are sick, some are recovering while others have fully recovered. Therefore, anybody can be a church boy, but it takes more than going to church to be an Ephesians 5 man. It took me a while to understand that, when you choose to wait on God, He will give you the best.

The Ephesians 5 man is a rare breed. In simple terms: he is “the kingdom man”. This man doesn’t just go to church: he loves God passionately and is pursuing a relationship with the Lord. This man loves his woman, sees her as the helper for his journey to purpose, pursues and covers her as Christ does.

There is a difference between a nice man and a kind man. Also, there is a difference between a good man and a godly man. The fact that a man is good, does not translate to him being godly. The real difference is that a godly man does not make decisions without consulting the King, and every day, he is pursuing after righteousness and holiness. Interestingly, this man is even asking the father how to love you right. He is not just a random man: he is a gift!

Stop stressing yourself over meeting the right man: hand over your love life to the father and I assure you, that He will make your paths cross. You may not meet him in church, but when you do, you will be grateful you waited; because the Ephesians 5 man, is worth the wait!

At the end of the day, the Ephesians 5 man is a church boy, who loves the Lord and is committed to the growth of the kingdom.

I pray for everyone waiting on the lord for their Ephesians 5 man, and for those searching for their proverbs 31 woman: may the father order your steps, and at the right time, your paths will cross. While you are waiting, keep pursuing God. The best is here already.

Cheers to your beautiful love story!

Onome Omodara

Onomewrites@gmail.com