There was a time in my life when my dream was to marry a committed Baptist church member. I was born and raised in a Baptist church, and as far as I was concerned, my church was the best. I wanted my children to experience being rooted and raised in the Baptist church because I believed it was the only place the word of God was preached lol (blame it on my not going out).
If you have read my book Identity crisis, I mentioned that the Baptist church was the foundation of my church; all the lessons I learnt in my sunbeam, girls auxiliary and Lydia auxiliary is all part of my faith. The interesting part was that I was so naïve to believe that as long as he is Baptist, he is automatically a good man.
I remember trying so hard to find a Baptist man, I wanted a royal wedding by force (in the Baptist church, when a member of the Lydia auxiliary marries a member of the Royal ambassador, they have a royal wedding, which is always ceremonial with parades and uniform) but I have come to realize over time that a good marriage goes beyond that.
I once dated this guy who was a Baptist member; I had no business dating that guy because we had no chemistry and nothing in common. The only common thing we had was that we were dedicated baptist members and our folks were pastors. He liked me, but I felt nothing for him. I told myself I would grow to like him because marrying him meant our kids would experience what I experienced. Looking back, I was so selfish and silly. I wasn’t looking forward to his call and was eager to return home each time we saw each other. I waited for the perfect excuse to break up, but he was just so sweet. He did everything right, lol.
I can’t even remember how I broke up, but I had to come up with a lie. I knew I hurt him and felt terrible, but I knew if I married him, I would remain miserable for the rest of my life, and he would not forgive me.
When I decided to hand over my relationship to the lord, one of the idols he removed from my heart was marrying a Baptist man or nobody. The Holy Spirit asked me, “would you rather marry a man after my heart or make your decision?”. God worked on me until I reached the point of surrender and absolute trust that He has my best interest at heart.
At the end of the day, I did not marry a Baptist man, but I married the best man for me. I have seen Baptist marriages crash, and I have also seen those that flourished. My point is that a good marriage goes beyond the denomination.
RIP OFF THAT LIST
I don’t know what your idol is. Yours might be a particular tribe, job or position. It goes for both genders. I have met men with ridiculous tastes, and I laugh because we often demand what we don’t have.
It’s time to surrender and trust the father. Rip off that list and start afresh. God knows the end from the beginning. Let God order your steps. Your assignment and calling are bigger than you, and whoever you are in a relationship with must understand that you are called to fulfil a purpose, and your union itself is to serve a purpose.
Marriage is beyond that list you are holding. Trust the father and watch him take care of you.
Tolulope has been a lady I’ve always admired from afar, she
knows what she wants, and she keeps going for it. She is that person who will
give you some tough love and at the same time cheer you on when you are succeeding.
I interviewed her when she was getting married, and the joy she had was undeniable, but what happens when after your wedding, a baby is not coming? I tried my best not to have this conversation with her because fertility is a very sensitive topic.
I never knew Tolu was fighting some silent battle. I loved
how she always showed up to celebrate with her friends who had a baby. I was
over the moon when a mutual friend told me, “Tolu gave birth”. Tolu
reached out to me some weeks ago and said she would like to share her
testimony.
My prayer is that this testimony spurs your faith to trust
God more.
Onome: Let’s meet you and how long have you been married?
Tolu: I’m Toluwalope Matthew, and I’ve been married for
2years and 5months.
Onome: How has the journey been?
Tolu: I will say with God the journey has been smooth.
People indeed find it hard to share the good sides of their marriage; all we
hear about is the turbulent ones. It has been a period of growth in all aspects
of my life.
Onome: Hmmm….. I hope we can change that perspective.
Tolu: Yes, we can, and we will.
Onome: What’s your greatest challenge about marriage?
Tolu: Hmmm…. my greatest challenge was the difficulty in
accepting my new location. Moving from an urban area to a semi-rural area with
little or no opportunity is not a child’s play.
Let’s talk about your waiting
season.
Onome: How long did you, and what was it like waiting?
Tolu: We waited for a year 6months.
Waiting, waiting, where do I start from Onome? is it from a
monthly period or counting ovulation or cramping. It was not easy. I
practically counted my period days and made sure I stayed indoors so I won’t
show myself to the world.
The environment where I find myself even has its stigma. If
you have been married for months or years without a child, most people address
you as ‘iyawo’. So when you find yourself in gatherings and they say ‘iyawo’,
everyone knows no child yet.
Or is it concerns from family or friends? Well, I believe
none of them knew their concerns came as pressure indirectly, and that alone
leaves one with silent thinking. I remember getting in touch with an
undergraduate roommate in 500l when I was in 100l, she also had a delay, and
her experience helped me put myself together.
Onome: Did you ever felt like God left you?
Tolu: No, I never felt God had left me. Never. Physically
speaking, I was so anxious for this miracle but spiritually speaking, I knew
God was preparing me for something extraordinary, even though I don’t know how
long it will take.
Onome: How did your husband support you all through the
journey?
Tolu: My husband and my immediate family are my special gift from God. I am incredibly grateful for the gift of in-laws too. My father and mother-in-law were just so supportive; they were a shoulder to lean on—their care whenever they hear me down lifts up my soul. My husband stood by me all through. When I insisted on going for fertility tests, he declined but supported me afterwards since I told him it would give me peace.
Onome: How was your miracle birthed?
I had multiple urinary tract infection
(UTI) in secondary school. It was left untreated until I got to the
university. In my final year, I got involved in a running competition. I fell
on my stomach, I began to bleed, and it was not properly treated because I
visited a general doctor and not a gynaecologist.
Less than 3years
after, I got diagnosed with an ovarian cyst. It was treated early enough, a
year after (2019) fibroid was detected, and in 2020, we began our fertility
journey, went through all the processes, and it was fine.
I had to proceed to take a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) which is
meant to determine the potency of the fallopian tubes; before I continue, my
HSG scan was torture. I went to heaven and came back o. Hsg was deadly for me.
After the test was over, my husband told me that no more fertility test. He
told me I was more important to him than a million kids.
Hmmm, after the test, I got the shocker of my life. I was
told my two tubes were blocked, and the only solution was to go for In vitro fertilization (IVF).
It was a rude shock. My husband stood by me. He made sure we
kept it within ourselves and built our faith. I started getting depressed. I
cannot just count or express the support, but the truth remains that there are
still good men.
I enrolled in a fashion academy about an hour 30mins from my
location. My husband was willing to let me go for anything that will help me
gain my sanity.
I enrolled in July. I got back home excited and very busy
cutting clothes. I had my last period that same month.
It was indeed a miracle. It was the least expected. It is
only God that can say how it was birthed. But in all, positively, prayer seeds
were sown by different people, financial seeds were sown, faith was built,
relationships were built too.
Onome: Wao!!! God is undoubtedly a miracle worker. What
would you say is the biggest lesson you have learnt on this journey?
Tolu: The biggest lesson I learnt while waiting is to hold
on to God, turn deaf ears to negativity, gain my complete sanity. In all, I am
indeed grateful for the gift of motherhood. It is an opportunity I will forever
cherish. The waiting is worth it when I sight my bundle of joy.
Onome: How did you feel after delivery?
Tolu: Truth ehn, I
wasn’t so conscious the first day. But after naming when I got stronger, even
when he gets cranky at night and I want to get frustrated cos of sleepless
nights, I just look at him and thank him for coming and thank God for the gift.
Onome, sometimes, waiting helps you appreciate God the more.
I won’t know when I
will burst into singing or just begin thanking God for the baby. It’s not as if
I don’t get weak because I have sleepless nights but remembering how much prayers,
fasting, pains I just can’t help but thank God.
Onome: How did you handle the pressure?
Tolu: The main pressure I experienced was environmental
pressure sha. God didn’t allow room for family pressure but seeing the status
of people that just got married or someone talking to you about his or her
kids, and all can be overwhelming. Though not negatively o, I tried not to give
room for envy; that’s why I remind myself that everyone has their time.
Onome: What would you say to anyone waiting?
Tolu: I sincerely pray for everyone waiting that God gives
you double for your trouble and link you with people with the right mind.
While waiting, seek medical attention (gynaecologist or
fertility specialist), get busy, pray, pray, pray and pray, have a mind of your
own because advice will come, speak out to people who are willing to hear and understand
you.
Onome: Thank you for sharing your testimony Tolu.
Tolu: It’s a pleasure, and it’s a promise I made to God that
if He blesses me, I will share the testimony, and so it’s a big honour doing
this.
CONCLUSION
“But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their
strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be
weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” – Isaiah 40:31 KJV.
Nothing is exciting about the process of waiting, it is demanding, and a lot of times, it is filled with tears. The beauty of waiting is when you get results. You forget about the pain when the answer comes.
I don’t know what you are trusting God for today but let
Tolu’s testimony encourage that joy comes in the morning.
If you are friends or a family member to young women who
just got married or are trying to conceive, please be sensitive with them and
don’t put pressure on them. Children are the heritage of the lord, and parents
should have them at the right time. Let’s encourage each other and shield our
women from societal and environmental pressure.
Let Tolu’s testimony increase your faith because God is
writing your story, and I know it will be a marvellous testimony.
There is nothing regular about this couple; theirs is a
story of love, patience, God’s intervention and grace. It is not just exciting
but it is also a beautiful story.
David and Victoria are my friends and their love would make you jealous. The way David watches out for Victoria and the way he protects her, is something I admire. The interesting thing about them is their friendship. Victoria is the shy one while David is quite outspoken. It’s a perfect blend but what amazes me the most, is how they always look out for each other.
Beyond love and affection, is the commitment they share and how passionate they are about purpose. Victoria has been a great helpmeet and I’ve seen how she supports and encourages David when he goes out to minister or when he holds his programme.
Another gist about this couple is that they share the same
birthdate and today is their birthday.
Interviewing this couple was a great experience because they
were both real and their story is one you will learn from.
It is time to meet this beautiful couple, so grab your
bottle of orange juice and get a slice of cake to step down with, while you
read how God wrote Victoria and David’s love story.
Onome: Tell us something about you and what makes you special?
Victoria: Everything about me is special, Onome and it’s because God is my creator. He is the most special person on earth, and He created me, thus, I am special.
I am Victoria Adeola Ibitoye (nee Ajayi), I am a child of
God and an Accountant by profession, trained at the Federal Polytechnic, Offa.
I served in Rivers State. I love reading, dancing, travelling and I also love
music.
David: The scriptures from A to Z testify to it about me. I am special because God says so. After all, why will Christ die for a nobody?
I am David Iyanuoluwa Ibitoye. I am saved and I love Jesus more
than my breath. I want to die loving Him. I am an alumnus of the great
University of Ilorin; the Better By Far University, and the Nigerian Baptist
Theological Seminary, Ogbomoso. Needless to say, I am a pastor. I got born
again in the year 2009. I love music, reading, travelling (not on Nigerian
roads though), gisting and meditating. I’m a lazy writer but oftentimes I
stumble on writing and it comes out fine…I guess.
Onome: Tell us about your waiting season
Victoria: God helped me during my waiting season because I decided from the beginning, not to play around. I wanted my first love to be my husband, and God did just that for me. Not that I didn’t have suitors, some of them looked so much “like it”, but God helped me out.
At a time, I looked at many of my friends getting engaged
and I was just there, but the Holy Spirit kept encouraging me to wait and I did
just that. Then God showed me, love, by giving me the best man on earth as my
husband.
David: Well, when I was single, I was helped by God. I had a breakup as a teenager. I was the one who broke up. I regret that decision because I knew I hurt the lady. So, I decided never to enter into any other relationship unsure. I promised myself before God that my next girlfriend would be my wife, and God helped me.
Onome: How did you meet your husband/wife and how did you know he/she was the one?
Victoria: On the 3rd of August 2014 in church,
after the Sunday school class he took, he asked me to please wait behind to see
him, for an important discussion after service, which I did. Interestingly, I
wasn’t expecting it. I thought he wanted to discuss some “Kingdom assignment”
with me (not as if toasting me was not kingdom assignment though), to my
amazement, he told me he would like to walk life’s journey with me, and that
was it. He did not over-spiritualize the proposal, he didn’t try to impress me
or sweep me off my feet with some spiritual talk. He just said, “I love you
sister Vic, and I will like you to be my wife.” What impressed me the most was
that his words were brief and straight to the point. With a little sprinkle of
arrogance which I enjoyed though, he asked if I would like to be disturbed for
my answer or if I would just get back to him whenever I was ready. I loved
that. I told him I prefer not to be disturbed.
Actually, immediately he came, I had this inner peace in my
spirit man, compared to what I had experienced with other suitors. But you
know, as a lady, I didn’t want to rush into my response like that, so I told
him I would get back to him, and I did on the 1st of October 2014 after being
fully convinced by the Holy Spirit.
David: Actually, I have received her since 2010. That year,
I was working a menial job and came home hungry one day. I was scrambling for
what to eat at home but couldn’t find any. So I went to my mom’s WMU bag (Women
Missionary Union, it’s the women arm of the Baptist denomination) for WMU
biscuits and the likes and was disappointed again. While searching inside the
bag, I saw a picture of a prison evangelism team of my church and saw my
fiancée among the prison evangelists.
Then I clearly heard the Holy-Ghost say (so audibly, I had
to turn back to check if someone was behind me) “That is your wife” and that
was it. Though I ignored for some time because I wasn’t at first pleased with
it, God had to teach me how to love His will, and if I have to choose over and
over again, I would still choose my Victoria. In 2014 after having been fully
convinced by the Lord and just after graduating Unilorin, I went to deliver my
manifesto to her after a Sunday service. Three months later she said yes.
Onome: How was it like preparing for your wedding?
Victoria: Hmmm… I would say interesting but ours was a
testimony so I would say God did it.
David: God gave us a word in Matthew 22:2 “The kingdom of heaven is like unto a certain king, which made a marriage for his son”… That was it. God told us in the order of heaven, the Father makes marriages for His children, so He began to give us specific instructions on what to do. He sent many angels in human form to us. For example, when it was time to get introduced and it was looking impossible, it was one of my Pastors, Reverend Shola Sangoleye, who advised us to just pick a day and trust God. We chose November 30 and God made it work. Then we were left with the wedding date. We found it hard to conclude on a day, then God just told us to pick by faith. We settled eventually for May 30, then coronavirus came. We decided we were not going to shift the day for anything. God granted our hearts’ desires and it worked out just fine. To God be the glory!
Onome: What is the place of God in choosing a partner?
Victoria: God is the author of marriage. Any relationship
that will not become a snare must be God’s idea. Even with the partner that God
gives you, there are lines to straighten out, not to talk of jumping into it
all by yourself…
David: The thing is that no man knows himself fully, not to talk of another person. Even if you court a lady for 20 years, you still don’t get to know an inch of what she is. So, why not take the short-cut; go through her Maker who knows all about her? He calibrated her being so He is the best person to tell you if it is safe to marry some lady or not. Furthermore, God knows your capacity as a person. He gives you the partner that your faith and desire can walk with. No one is perfect, but if you choose without His leading, the probability to choose the one your faith cannot walk with is incalculable. Thus, God is not to be an after-thought after choosing someone, but the One Who directs your heart into what to do. Not all good, godly, born-again ladies are right for one o! so we must not be fooled into gambling with our marital lives.
Onome: so David and Victoria, How did you keep yourselves
while dating? How did you abstain from sex, what was your secret?
David: My wife is the best person to answer this
Victoria: (smiles) Honestly, God kept us. We were determined
from the onset to keep ourselves. Our father in the Lord, Reverend Paul Debo
Adeyemi told us when we just started, that the lady should be at the driver’s
side. I sat comfortably at the driver’s side ooo! Our Reverend further advised
us that whenever we were alone, we should beware of tempting situations. We
were able to achieve this. Whenever I go visiting my single fiance, I would
sleepover at someone else’s place instead of his, because we were wise enough
not to trust ourselves prodigally. Sex is worth waiting for. Thus, it is unwise
to rush into it.
Onome: Hmmm.. Thanks, guys. The last question. What’s your
advise to singles who are waiting?
Victoria: I will put it in one sentence and that sums it up;
It is good to wait for God’s time because His time is the best.
David:Firstly,
relax! Build a relationship with God first. Don’t start emergency prayer life
when you’re looking for a partner. The God you cannot hear when you’re deciding
which cloth to wear, you can never hear when deciding whom to marry.
John Piper’s daughter once said, “A girl should get so lost in God that a man has to know God to find her.” That ought to be everyone’s maxim. Just get lost in loving God, you will be found by a lover of God.
Onome: It has been a great time with you guys. Thank you for
your time, we do appreciate you.
David and Victoria: Onome,
It is an honour, we appreciate the opportunity to share our story!
Onome: Oh, happy birthday guys, God bless and increase you
on all sides.
David and Victoria: Onome, we appreciate. Amen. Thank you.
CONCLUSION
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take”. (Proverbs 3:5-6) NLT
There are days it gets overwhelming, I know being single is
not fun when you see everyone around you getting engaged or married but God is
not done with you. Let this Love story encourage you in your wait, I’ve known
Victoria for more than 15 years and I know her to be so committed and faithful
to God’s work and God blessed her with the best.
David had to submit his will and desire to God and God the
perfect fit for his purpose and assignment. He had to allow God to teach him
how to love this special woman. David has been my friend for more than 10 years
and each time we talk about love and marriage, he was never worried because he
believed God had his best interest at heart.
You think God is late, He is not. He is busy writing your
love story, be patient and trust His timing.
I look forward to sharing your story.
PS: Don’t forget to show our couple some love in the comment
section, it’s their birthday let’s wish them well.
Forgive me, I know it has been a while. I have been up to a number of things; reason
I’ve been AWOL.
I have got news!
Your baby girl is getting married!!!
I am about to give you all the juicy details of our love story.
HOW WE MET
I took a decision to be single
until the Lord sends my man (see my book, ‘Single Without Wrinkle’, for the full
details). I wasn’t ready for a relationship, I was just enjoying my waiting
season. During that period, I had been praying for a job. I finally got invited
for an interview in one of the companies I applied to. The D-Day came and I
aced the interview. I got called to resume work on a Tuesday morning. Upon my
arrival on resumption day, I was asked to wait for the HR; that was when I met
Daniel.
While waiting for the HR, this handsome
dark-skinned young man walked up to me and said ‘hello’ amidst smiles. Although
I wasn’t friendly, he however went on to introduce himself with the smile
sculpted on his face (oh! he had such a cute smile). I told him my name and
mentioned I was there to see the HR.
The HR finally arrived and guess what? I got sent back home because I was wearing a jean (the tomboy in me decided to embarrass me that day). I resumed the next morning, officially dressed and who did I meet….again? Daniel! As usual, he smiled and this time around, I smiled back as I was in a better mood. I overheard him talking about a Lecrae concert and how he didn’t want to miss the programme. In the course of the conversation, he mentioned being a member of Covenant Christian Center. That was all I needed to hear as I had just recently started listening to Pastor Poju and looked forward to being under his ministration live.
I asked for his number in a bid
to go to church with him on Sunday and that was how we got talking. We went to
church together as planned and became good friends. We talked about the bible
and sometimes prayed together, all I saw in him was a “brother”.
I don’t know how it happened but
I knew I started developing feelings for my so called ‘brother.’ I rejected it.
I even took it a step further by praying and fasting. I kept telling God to
remove the feelings but the more I prayed, the more it grew. Eventually, I had
to call my spiritual father who told me to stop fighting but surrender it back
to God.
I couldn’t run away because we
worked in the same company and that was also a reason why I didn’t want the
feelings to grow. I didn’t want to date someone I would see every day. I
started avoiding him but he would always come around. One day, he told me we
needed to talk.
We agreed to meet at Coldstone
creamery. That day, he said to me “Onome
Omodara you are a treasure, you are like that bible passage that says a man
sells all he has just to buy the treasure, but Onome I need time” I can’t
forget those words. If you have read ‘There was a girl’, you will understand
why those words meant a lot to me. I got home and cried. No one had ever said
that to me. I had been told I am smart, beautiful, and intelligent but
treasure? That hit me.
On the 2nd of May 2018, he officially asked me out. He didn’t ask me to be his girlfriend; he told me to be his wife. I was shocked and kept wondering what he saw in me. I told him to give me a month and he never pressured me. I prayed and waited for confirmation. I wasn’t ready to go through another cycle of heartbreak so I wanted to be sure.
On the 29th of May 2018, I said yes to him because it felt so right; I was at peace. Everything the Lord had said to me during my waiting season was apt when we started dating.
Daniel was intentional about our
relationship; his love for me was so obvious. He was always willing to make
sacrifices. There were days I thought we would break up but he would always say
to me “Onome, I am not loving you by my own strength, mine would fail but God
is my strength”. Daniel has been my safe place. Challenges have come our
way but this man stood by me. This man prays with me and for me. He believes in
my vision. He is God sent!
THE PROPOSAL
It was my birthday and my boss had told me she was throwing a birthday dinner for me and I should invite my close friends (I was surprised but happy to have a party). The day came and I saw my sister from Ibadan at the dinner; she appeared like a thief in the night (Fam, I was surprised). My friends came around and we were really having fun.
The waiter came in and said I had a special order, I opened and it was a ring! I wanted to run away (where was I running to sef?) The man of my dreams went down one knee asking me to marry him.
It was surreal. It showed that the wait is always worth it.
I have said enough.
I interviewed my man and he has something to tell you
Enjoy
Tell us something about yourself
I am a graduate of computer
science from the great Tai Solarin University of Education. Obviously I’m a
Christian (smile). I am the first born from a family of four. I am passionate
about Christ, my career and whatever I set my mind to do. I am a focused and
purpose driven person with great leadership capacity. I see myself as a servant-leader
as I enjoy taking up responsibilities irrespective of any position I am in.
At what point were you sure Onome was the one?
(Deep sigh!) Well, it’s not like
I heard a voice from heaven or something “spectacular” just like the
days of Adam (smile), when something is right, you just know; the spirit bears
witness remember. I don’t mean to sound too spiritual but pardon me; that is my
default. Like the saying goes “Opposite attracts”. Onome is a
“wokilumo” kinda person to put it in English, you will always notice
her when she enters a room as oppose to my kinda nature; I am a reserved
person. So I saw in her a woman that together we can do great things for
Christ.
Onome is outspoken without being
rude and very intelligent. Since men will always look at the outward, Onome is
beautiful to behold and young at heart. Above all, I saw in Onome a woman that
can help “womb” a vision and birth great dreams. A woman strong in
the things that I seemed to be weak in.
What makes Onome special to you as a person?
(Deep breath) Permit me to keep the
details to myself (smiles). But really, when you truly love someone you may not
have a “special” reason for loving him/her. You just
“apape” (add them together) them. Sometimes what makes somebody
special to you could be the strength they exhibit that wowed your weakness.
Many ladies have done wonderful things for me but the core of who she is,
outclassed them all!
How do you feel about getting married?
CAPITAL MIXED FEELINGS (laughs)
but I look forward to it.
What’s your most exciting memory about her?
The one I am yet to experience
with her because every moment with her is a blessing.
THE CHARA WEDDING
We decided to use the chara
wedding as our hashtag because we wanted a word that depicted exactly how we
felt and “JOY” was the perfect word. Chara is a Greek word that means Joy.
CONCLUSION
“He hath made everything beautiful in his time”
(Ecclesiastes 3:11a)
God is very intentional and each
time I look at Daniel I am just reminded of God’s love. People have asked me
how I feel about getting married and all I can say is “I am grateful”. If you
know my story you will understand that God is faithful.
I don’t know how you feel right
now but I need you to know that God has not forgotten you. Your marriage is
going to happen and it’s going to be a testimony!
Her aura speaks peace, her intelligence and depth got me
attracted and I asked myself “who is this girl?”. From the moment I heard her
speak, I knew she had to be my friend. Ify is not your regular tech lady; she
is an amazing personality. We got
talking the first time we had to work on a project. The passion she puts in her
career is applaudable.
I was surprised when I heard she was getting married; not because she is too young but because she was just too calm to be preparing for a wedding. I wondered what her secret was and even after her wedding, she was still glowing.
I sat down with Ify one beautiful afternoon after her
honeymoon and we had a chat about her wedding preparations and the place of
love in relationships.
Take a bottle of cold Fanta and sip, as we have a chat with
Ify
ONOME: Tell us a
little about yourself
IFY: I am Ify N. Ebelebe, a tech enthusiast. I am an individual who loves to learn and apply new skills. I am quiet when surrounded with people I’m not familiar with but jovial with close pals. I love simplicity and I also enjoy my space.
ONOME: At what point in your life did you start thinking about
your marriage?
IFY: You can call me a geek but what matters to me is
learning new skills and applying it, so marriage wasn’t on the table for me in
my undergraduate days but after I finished school I had to ask myself what I
wanted from life and while thinking about that, I knew someday I would get
married. It’s safe to say I started thinking of marriage a year after my
Undergraduate days.
ONOME: How did you meet your husband?
IFY: We attended the same University but never talked nor greeted. We met again during NYSC at a conference organized by NCCF. We only greeted and parted ways. Not until we met at the wedding of a University colleague, where he sat on the same table I sat with other colleagues. He cracked jokes and made everyone laugh. We got talking after the wedding and exchanged phone numbers and the rest they say is history.
ONOME: When did you become certain he was the one you wanted
to spend the rest of your life with?
IFY: That’s a very interesting question Onome and very important. Love is very important but at the same time it is not the only thing you need to be convinced. I became certain he was the one because amidst the love his presence brought an unexplainable joy and peace and his dreams and goals align with mine.
ONOME: How did you feel the first time you were going to
meet his parents?
IFY: Meeting the parents, that’s a lot. We are from different tribes so I was really nervous and also excited that he was going to meet my parents. I initially felt my parents would say no because of the tribal difference but it was a different story entirely. They love him and his own parents welcomed me with love too.
ONOME: How is it like preparing for a wedding ceremony?
IFY: Preparing for a wedding ceremony can be stressful especially when you have no event planner. I didn’t have the chance to shop during the week because of work. I only had weekends to do my shopping and planning. I tried as much as possible not to be excessive in spending since it was just going to be a day event; I could be very strict when it comes to budgeting. I stuck strictly to what I needed and nothing more. I wrote a list of all I needed in order of priority and it really helped in managing my finances.
ONOME: If you had the chance to change something about your
wedding day what would it be?
IFY: My wedding day? Absolutely nothing! I had the time of my life and I was able to manage my finances well. It’s a day I can’t forget!
ONOME: What’s your advice to every bride preparing for her big day?
IFY: Spend wisely. This is very important. Don’t put your fiancé under pressure. Don’t try to please anyone because after that day you are left alone with your spouse to face the music. Cut your coat according to your cloth. Do not panic before the D-day because that day will come and pass and finally make sure you enjoy your day. Don’t allow anything to get you angry or upset. You are the bride! it’s your day, so don’t forget to smile.
ONOME: What is the place of God in marriage?
IFY: The way I see it is that He is the centre of a successful marriage. He is a very important factor and without Him, there is no successful marriage!
ONOME: What do you love about your husband?
IFY: A lot but these are on top of my list; He is neat,
jovial and very caring.
ONOME: How does it feel adjusting to the new life of being
married?
IFY: I see it as a learning process. It’s been fun trying
new things. Adjusting is the big thing but I’m getting there but above all, it’s
been an interesting ride so far; I’m really enjoying it.
ONOME: Thank you so much Ify, it’s been great talking to
you. Thank you for being so real and honest.
IFY: The pleasure is mine, Onome. Thank you for having me.
CONCLUSION
“Don’t worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done.” Philippians 4: 6 (NLT).
Weddings are beautiful moments that can’t be erased and at
the same time, pressures would always come around but you need to stop
worrying. One of the things that attracted Ify to me was that state of rest she
had. For a bride who had no event planner, she felt too relaxed; but this lady
just knew God would come through and He sure did. Her wedding was a massive
success.
Dear couples to be, you need to plan and relax. Don’t try to
please anyone. Weddings will come and go but the marriage should be your
priority. Everyone would go home but your partner is all you have; so don’t
lose each other while planning your big day.
Don’t forget to speak into existence what you want for your marriage, confess positive things and close your ears to all negativity. Somehow everybody has the best advice for you when you are getting married, but you need to be sensitive and allow the Holy Spirit to guide you.
To everyone preparing for their big day, it’s going to be a glorious day.
