Category: Motivations & Inspirations

“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear…” (1 John 4: 18a)

Growing up with a low self-esteem played a major role in my belief about love. I use to think I was not lovable and when people who were not related to me were being nice, it always felt like they would want something in return and in turn I wasn’t just keen about love.

Love had always been around me but my negligence and self-esteem just never allowed me to see it, I have a wonderful family who adored me, even when I would hear my mom pray for me in the middle of the night I still didn’t believe it was love, I felt it was a norm for parents to pray for their kids but little did I know that was the greatest expression of love.

This part of me affected my belief system and when I started thinking about relationships, my expectations were so little and you know what they say about your thoughts it definitely becomes your reality, even when it was clear that love was chasing me I was still scared, scared I was going to be hurt, I just felt I don’t deserve to be loved.

I’ve met people who are just like me, when the thought of someone loving you gets into your mind you become scared maybe because of your past or your insecurities, whatever your story is don’t feel bad, it is okay to have those feelings, I totally understand but you can’t be in that phase forever you need to come out of your shell because if you don’t get healed, your partner will only keep trying but deep within you, you will still feel he/she wants to use you.

It took me years to get over this feeling, it took deliberate actions. I wish I could tell you that I did it myself, I wish I could say it was because I read books or because I was smart, the truth is it took God’s help and strength to get me here, it took that same love I was scared of to heal me.

I know you want to ask me so how do I get over this feeling, how do I let go of this fear? I know how you feel, I know it sucks sometimes, I know that feeling when you are just paranoid about somebody being nice to you, you just can’t wait to find out what they want from you but in most cases the person is just being nice and all.

I’ll explain to you some practicable steps you can take to help you come out of this state of mind because if you remain there I’m afraid you can’t experience love even when the right person comes your way you will frustrate him/ her.

BE DETERMINED:
There is nothing that can happen if you are not determined. Sometimes last year, I realized I was not happy, I was tired of being used, I just desired a change and that was the beginning of my breakthrough. You need to get to that point where you are tired, your determination is the first step to your breakthrough.

BUILD A RELATIONSHIP WITH THE FATHER:
This is the best decision you can ever make, I’m telling you this from my own personal experience. The fact that God loves you is enough to keep you going and if you rely on that simple truth it is more than enough. If nobody loves you, God loves you and that should encourage you to want to know Him more. The psalmist says “What is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you visit him” (psalms 8:3), you are that special and God desires fellowship. When you fellowship with God in prayer, God begins to rub on you and before you know it you start seeing things the way God sees them and He then instructs you on how to go.

FEED ON THE WORD:
It’s interesting how the word of God renews our mind, there was one evening I was fellowshipping and He opened my eyes to 2 Timothy 1: 7, I have heard that scripture several times but what the Holy Spirit taught me that day was deeper than what I’ve heard. When you study the word regularly the Holy Spirit begins to mess with your mind and He aligns it to see things the way you should see them. You can’t be in the word and be scared. Find time to study the word of God because revelation is the base line for revolution, the force of victory is from the inside.

DO IT AFRAID:
This is the toughest part, when you are sensitive to the Spirit and God brings the right person your way, you will be confronted with that same fear but you need to step out in faith and allow yourself to be loved and in turn love the person. Do it afraid!

CONCLUSION
You deserve to be loved, I know you’ve been hurt and I know you are scared but you need to understand that you deserve to be happy, if like me you are doing so much for people but you don’t even know how to receive please you deserve to be spoilt too. I didn’t understand how bad I was at receiving love until it came knocking at my door and everyday I’m learning with the help and strength of the father.

Don’t be scared to love, don’t be scared to be loved too because perfect love casts out fear.
I love you!

Yours,
Omodara Onome.

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you” (Maya Angelou)

Writing like every other form of art requires creativity, passion and dedication but I think most times we are the ones who are underrated, we are the ones who are less paid and a lot of times if feels that nobody can hear our cry.

I decided to write this article for that young writer who is getting tired and who thinks writing is a waste of time, I hope my story challenges and inspires you to go back and pick your pen.

I WANT TO WRITE
I started writing when I was nine years old, something happened to me that I couldn’t bear to tell anyone, my self-esteem was being crushed and I needed help but just at the right time I found writing. I decided to write how I was feeling in a book and at that instant there was a connection between a book, a pen and my heart you can call it love at first sight.

As I wrote my experiences more, I knew I wanted to world to hear my story, after I gained my self-esteem I wanted to help people who like me was going through some challenges and there was only method I knew how I to use and that was writing.

It was later in my life I got to understand that God wanted me to write, I had a message to share and writing was definitely my purpose. I picked up writing as a profession in 2015 and it is still my best decision till date.
I studied computer science in school and everyone felt I was going to be a programmer but somehow I couldn’t cope, coding felt like jargons to me (apology to all programmers, I respect you guys a lot!) but I knew I wasn’t going to be a computer scientist but writing was a profession I was sacred to venture into. I told my parents and like every normal parent they got scared for me, it felt like their baby girl was confused but my mind was made up about writing.

I started writing, started my own blog, I was enjoying it but there was just one problem I was broke and the bloggers who gave me side jobs were offering me peanuts, I can tell you it was frustrating. The truth is money fuels your passion but here was the thing I was committed to it and I knew someday I will make millions from writing.

I’m still yet to make the millions so don’t think of sending me your account number at least not yet but what I make now as a writer is a lot more than I started with and I’m so confident that writing will take me far, I know it could be tough being a writer, a lot of people told me to get a real life, somebody once told me to quit writing because people don’t read anymore but it was my dream and I refused to allow people take it from me.

Writing for me is my purpose, it is my voice, it is my world and just like every other art it is beautiful and it is a profession you can make millions from all you need is diligence and consistency.

SO YOU WANT TO WRITE
I want to share with you some tips on how to be a good writer and make some cool cash while at it.

Why do you want to write: You need to ask yourself this question over and over? Some days would be tough, your articles would be rejected, people would ask you questions but what keeps you going is the why. Do you want to write because you want to help people or you want to make people happy or you have a story to share? Whatever your reason (s) is make sure it is enough to keep you going.

Don’t let money be your motivation: if money is your motivation you won’t go far as a writer because if you are not making enough money you will be frustrated. I know we all need money, people’s smiles and thumb ups will not pay the bills but it would bring satisfaction and in a lot of cases great referrals. You can pick up another job and making writing a side hustle but here is the deal, don’t stop writing, if you are born to write I can assure you that you won’t find the fulfillment until you write.

Target audience: This is very important. The ones you want to read your books, the ones you are really writing for, you need to consider them. Your message is not for everyone and that is the bitter truth so knowing your target audience is very important. If you are writing for teenagers you need to understand what style of writing will catch their attention, if you are writing for kids you need to know what will get them glued to your writing. Know your audience!

Read books: there is only one way to learn and that is by studying the works of those who have gone ahead. I’m a crazy reader and if there is one place I’m always scared to visit, it is a bookshop because my appetite for books never finishes. I never loved books but because I wanted to write I had to train my mind to love books. Pick up books of authors you admire and even the ones you don’t admire just read. There was a time I fell in love with Maya Angelou I had to go find her poems, I studied and I got a new approach to writing poems. Read like your life depends on it but don’t forget to create your own style.

Be versatile: As a writer, don’t be a one way traffic. It is expedient you pick a genre (style) you want to work with. There are six genres in writing and that is expository, descriptive, letters and journals, narrative, persuasive and poetry. Pick a genre but learn about styles too because you will always need them. It is very expedient you have a style so that your audience know what to expect from you but that does not mean you can’t try others.

Sell yourself: the secret to this is to keep learning and don’t be scared to sell yourself as a writer, don’t let people underrate you. Write your books, package them and sell. Don’t be deceived people still read and you can make millions from writing. I can recommend Okada books, Mixsie audio books and Kobo they are great platforms that can help you sell your books and these guys will give you your money, they are so transparent. With a great writing and amazing marketing your book will definitely sell.

Surround yourself with other writers: join a community of writers, reach out to other writers and ask for help. This has kept me going a lot of times, I try to reach out to other writers when I’m so down and their words keeps me going, show them your works let them criticize your writings because that is a sure way to be a better writer. If you need some you can reach out to me and I’ll gladly recommend some.

WRITER’S BLOCK
This is the nightmare of every writer, when you get stuck on that page. I have about three books I stopped halfway because I had a serious writer’s block but I’m sure visiting them soon. There are ways to handle this. Just stop, don’t force words even if you have a deadline you need to relax and take a stroll or do something fun. Just give your brain and mind some rest. I love taking strolls or listening to music but once in a while I watch movies. Find out what works out for you and come back to your writing by the time you are back you are ready to fire on!

CONCLUSION

I’ve faced a lot as a young writer, there are days I’ve felt like quitting countless number of times but the future excites me so I keep going plus the grace of God has been sufficient for me. I take a long break once in a while to keep myself in check but I never stop writing and that’s the secret just write even when it does not sense just write, nobody became an expert in one night we all kept practicing till we became better. Just write even when you don’t feel like it write about how you feel and before you know it you are an expert in this field.
Finally, writing is a way of escape, it is your passport to a world you created so keep building. You have a message write it, let the world hear your story and you can be sure you are blessing lives while doing it.

Each time I write and I get feedbacks it gives me a big smile and if it is for that one person I’m helping with my words then I won’t stop writing.

Don’t be scared to learn too, join classes for writers, it might not be free but you will get value for your money. Spend so that you can earn in the future.

Dear writer, keep writing. Don’t hang your pen! The world needs you, people are counting on your message and your message is the hope somebody needs to move forward.

Yours,
Omodara Onome

I was in my room trying to see what’s happening in the internet world then my favourite network provider decides to mess things up for me with a very slow network, it’s not a new scenario it happens most of the time with them but this particular evening just drove me nuts and I had to ask myself “why am I still using this network?” then I had to do a rethinking and I discovered why.

I hope you are not in a hurry because I am about to tell you my love story with my favourite network provider. Hop on and ride with me, there are some basic lessons we could learn from this story

I started using the network in 2015 when I got my first writing gig, my boss shared data with me, since it was free I became so used to it, somewhere along the line I bought a new phone purchased from their office and the phone came with a one year data bundle so for a year I didn’t spend a dime subscribing. After a year I was back to being normal and I started subscribing with my own money, it was cheaper so it was fun but here was the thing even though it was cheaper the network was terrible there were days I had to struggle to get the network to do meaningful things online. I had asked myself “why am I still in this relationship with this network” the reason is simple, it is cheaper and beyond that I’m just so used to it that I feel another network will be strange.

ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS

Just like my story with this network, there are lot of people in abusive relationship but they are so scared to leave the relationship maybe because they are already used to the abuse or in other cases they have some peanuts they are getting from the relationship.

I don’t care about the amount of money he gives you, nothing can replace the place of happiness, stop wasting your energy on relationships that can never grow. Many of us see the signs but we just ignore thinking we can make it work, you are not married and you are already enduring a relationship. Stop using all your energy on a relationship that can never grow, I know you are in love but love is not the only factor that makes a marriage work.
You know within you that you should not be in that relationship but you will rather force yourself to make it work and that is the only reason you are still hurt, stop spending your youthful days chasing meaningless relationships.

You know what they say about the fact that there are two sets of people that are so difficult to talk to and that is a man who has money and a woman who is in love, don’t make this statement a fact. The fact that you are in love should not mean the loss of your senses. Don’t make decisions you will spend the rest of your life regretting.
You don’t have to stay with her out of pity, you don’t even love her but you feel that without you she can’t move on, who told you that? She will definitely find a man that will love her but that is if you release her. How do you expect her to find a man when you keep hovering around her like a hen protecting her chick from danger but in this case you are not protecting her, you can’t be with her so why hold on to her for so long.
Abusive relationships is actually a cage, each time you are hurt, your partner apologizes and the cycle continues again but I write this to give you a reminder that enough is enough, I know you are tired and you have been asking for a sign, let this be a sign. I know you are in love but sometimes love means letting go. Marriage is the appropriate time to love blindly but courtship is the time to love intelligently. Ask those who are going through troubles in their marriage they will tell you it’s never an easy ride and many of them wish they had not made the decision of marrying who they married. Avoid that terrible decision when you can, I know you are in love but your happiness is also important and the interesting part is that love will always find you.

PURPOSES THAT DO NOT ALLIGN

I have met people who are enduring relationships not because of an abuse but because their visions are not in any way related. One of the reasons you are coming together is to fulfil purpose, just because he is cute or she is pretty has not made them your partner. Life will be so boring if your partner does not believe in your vision that is the point of agreement.
I once had a friend I liked so much, a part of me really wished he would ask me out but it was later I got to discover that we had no agreement. I made up my mind about him one evening when we got talking and I asked him about his plans for the future and I realized there was no way I could fit into any of those dreams even if I had tried to I will lose my own purpose and uniqueness in the process.

Partnership is one of the major goals of marriage, you and your partner should be going to the same path, and you should have a common goal. If you lose your originality trying to please your partner you won’t like the result, you will become a frustrated and boring person. Find someone who is going in the same direction with you.

Don’t force yourself to go on a journey God never sent you, you will regret it. Fulfilling purpose is expedient to your happiness, don’t be blind about your life. I know you love him and she loves you but don’t drag somebody else into an assignment they are not called to do. Sometimes it’s okay to let go, marriage is too far to jump into it.

CONCLUSION

I’ve learnt a major lesson in life that letting go could be tough but it births freedom and inner peace, don’t let love be the only reason you are dating anyone. Let your purposes align, don’t endure an abusive relationship, don’t spend the rest of your life regretting. Don’t kill yourself over a toxic relationship, God didn’t create you to suffer and endure life because of somebody who does not value you. I know it’s hard but take it from a friend who understands that sometimes you just have to let go so that you can walk into the life God has assigned you to live.

Cheers to a beautiful future.

Yours,
Omodara Onome

Onomewrites@gmail.com

“Morning shows the day but it doesn’t reveal the night” –Leke Alder

Today, I will be sharing with you about the life lessons I got from the physiological thriller titled “Acrimony” written and produced by the phenomenal and outstanding producer and entertainer Tyler Perry.

The movie was centered on a young lady called Melinda who loved her man so much, his name Robert. She believed in his dreams even when it sounded so foolish to everyone around her especially her sisters. She gave her all to the man and labored with him but somewhere in between she assumed he messed up because of what she heard from her sisters and judging from what he had done in the past she believed her sisters that he was cheating, she decided to divorce him on the account of infidelity but after the divorce the guy’s dreams came to a big reality. He appreciated her labours by giving her some money and got her the house she inherited from her mother that was mortgaged during the course of their marriage’s financial distress. Robert moved on too, he fell in love with the woman who stood by him when Melinda left but the only problem was this, he gave to this woman all he promised Melinda, all the dreams they shared another woman inherited it and that in turn angered and embittered Melinda so much that she ended up almost killing Robert and she lost her life while trying to kill Robert and his new wife.

I’ve heard people ask questions about who should be blamed is it Melinda or Robert or her sisters? I’m not writing this article to give you a detailed review of the movie, please permit me to say they all played a part and each of them had their own faults.
I wrote this article to share with you the life lessons I got from watching this movie, I’m not much of a movie freak but when I watch one it better be worth my time, don’t mind me I could be weird sometimes, I still ask myself what I do for fun? Let’s talk about me another day but today let’s discuss the lessons I got from watching Acrimony.

1.Never marry in the name of love alone: Don’t get me wrong, love is very important but beyond love you need to ask some serious questions. Can you deal with his character? Is he faithful? How does she react when she is angry? Is she sincere? Do you fight regularly? Does the fight turn nasty and physical including breaking of stuff? Is it all about her, or about your future together? Is it all about the wedding or about marriage? Does she have time for you? Is she still shopping, on the lookout? Can you trust her? Is he caring? Is he hardworking? Is it all about him? Etc. the signs are always there but we choose to ignore them all in the love. Melinda caught Robert cheating while they were still dating and in turn she got so mad and she decided to destroy his house with her car but she lost her womb in the process so she can never have a child. Robert came back to apologize and they moved on, the only thing Robert could give her was his dreams, there was nothing else, she had been sponsoring the relationship right before they got married and the fact that her family did not support their union should cut her a slack but they were both in love and nothing else mattered. Courtship is the best time to date intelligently while marriage is the time to love blindly, while you are courting let your brain be active. The logical reason they both had for marriage was love and unfortunately, love is not enough. Love is important but it is not the only reason.

2.Responsibility is very important: One major duty of a man is responsibilities, a woman was designed to be a helper. When a woman becomes the only person handling the responsibilities of the home then the role has been switched, I know life happens sometimes and probably the man lost his job or money is not forthcoming but what matters is the fact that he has a heart that wants to take responsibilities. Robert had a dream but it was not bringing in money he could get a job to support his wife while he still pursued his dreams but instead he left all the responsibilities for his wife and she had to work two different jobs, that is enough to frustrate any woman. It is okay to have a vision but vision can’t fill the stomach, you need to earn as you pursue your vision.

3. You can’t rule out your family: Your family is very important and it’s one unit you shouldn’t be quick to throw away because you met someone you love. Whoever you are dating should not separate you from your family, he/she shouldn’t be comfortable about marrying you without your family’s approval. The truth is if they say No initially, there are better ways to make them understand. Getting married without the family’s approval was a mistake Melinda and Robert made, Melinda’s sisters never approved Robert but they got married anyway and Melinda had to work so hard to prove to her siblings that she did not make a mistake. You can’t erase the place of family.

4. Beware of manipulative people: some people are so manipulative, they will manipulate you for money in the name of love, they are always demanding and their needs will never come to an end. Be discerning, marrying a manipulative person is dangerous. Robert was manipulative, he had his way around Mel at the end of the day she spent all the money her mother left for her after she died on Robert and even mortgaged her mother’s house, and he manipulated her into doing all that.

5. Patience is a virtue: Success requires a dogged pursuit, you can’t afford to give up easily. You just have to keep trying and patience is a virtue that helps in making marriage work, after all, love is patient. Melinda had labored so hard to build a man’s dreams but impatience cost her a life of affluence. Robert asked her to be patient before filing a divorce but she felt she can’t deal with it anymore and what she did not know was that her man was close to his breakthrough. Patience is a virtue you need to possess to build a good home and even the life of your dreams. Do not make hasty decisions, time is always a revealer of things.

6. It is your marriage: People would always have contrary opinions and you need to stand by your choice. You can’t blame anyone for the consequences of your marriage choice. You need to take responsibility for the partner you choose. It is your marriage and what happens in your home should stay in your home.

7. Tame the beast called ‘anger’: Anger is a deadly emotion and if you can’t control it, it is deadly! Don’t make a decision when you are angry, calm down first. Melinda allowed her emotions have a upper hand in ruining her marriage, when her sisters came to tell her that Robert was cheating that was not the best time to fight him and file a divorce, if only Mel had listened to him and was patient things would have ended differently. She lost her life to anger. Anger does nothing but serious damage.
If you have not seen Acrimony, please do and read this article again.

If there was a lesson you learnt in the movie and I have not shared it, please do well to tell me in the comments session, you never know who you are helping.

Thanks fam!
I’ll talk to you soon.
Loves.

Yours,
Omodara Onome

Being single was the last thing I envisioned about myself, I literally lived for people so why can’t love locate me? I wasn’t planning to marry at 23 or 24 but I just never wanted to be single, as far as I was concerned it was a bizarre.

In 2017, I knew and felt God was calling me to go deeper and seek Him so I took an intentional step, I decided to be the father’s daughter but nobody told me being the Father’s daughter was a life of total commitment and selflessness so when I knew God wanted me to be single I wasn’t ready to take on that walk, it was scary, I felt it was going to be a life of loneliness and depression so for days I struggled and argued with the father but at a point I was tired of arguing plus I was tired of being with the wrong ones so I decided to date God.

I began the journey of singlehood in April 2017 and I can tell you that it became the best decision I ever made in my life, I became so happy and free but not just that my life took a different turn. Five months later, I had the nudging to write a book about singleness and the testimonies that abounded from that book beats my imagination, I knew it had to be God.
Singleness is a phase I feel everyone should go through, we are not perfect, we all have flaws but there is a point where we have to decide to be a better person and this is one major thing singleness helps you achieve.

No soldier prepares for battles on the battlefield, they prepare years before they go to the battlefield. Marriage is a field of responsibilities and if you are not prepared you will mess things up and then we make God a liar but in reality, God would never do for man what man can do for himself.

The call to singleness is a call to a closer walk with the father, a lot of us spend our single days chasing relationships and fantasies and at the end of the day we miss the whole point of being single.

GIVE GOD THE PEN
“Delight thyself also in the lord; trust also in him; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart” (Psalms 37: 4)

As far as I was concerned, God had no business with my love life, I gave Him my life but I restricted him from entering my love door, I gave him the key to other rooms but my love life, No. I felt God was an old man who had no idea about romance, I thought he was going to give me rules that will bore me but my major fear was God giving me a very ugly and boring dude because I’ve heard people talk about how God chose spouses for them and such stories scares me a lot but in reality, I had no idea about how much God loved me and all He needed was trust from me.
Like me, a lot of us are so scared of trusting God because we feel He doesn’t know what we want but remember that He is your father and He loves you so much and that love should give you reasons to trust Him. Delight yourself in the lord and He will surely grant your heart desires, all you need to do is give him the pen and allow God write the best love story for you.

SINGLE AND SATISFIED

The single who is satisfied is one who is contended in who he is, she is one who is exploring new opportunities and more importantly he is one who is in love with the father. Since I gave God the pen and he led me to walk in singleness, it has been a very interesting ride. I have seen God drill and train me to become a better person, He has opened my eyes to see the areas I need to work on, he is really training me to be the best version of the woman I should be for my future husband and in Jesus I have found that satisfaction.

Stop whining and complaining, stop wasting your emotions on the wrong ones and let the father lead you, he has your best interest at heart. Stop struggling with Him, give God the pen and let Him write your story because when God aligns you with your partner it is a forever love story. Let him lead you and you will never regret it.

Cheers to your victory!

Yours,
Omodara Onome