Category: Love & Relationships

Leticia was your definition of beauty with a very straight figure – slim and alluring, her legs so long and attractive, she has a stunning beauty and with her great fashion sense she could get heads turning.  It wasn’t just about beauty she is very intelligent too which explains her growth in the banking sector she was employed as a customer care representative but in three years she became a branch manager. As for love Leticia was not so lucky in that department so she embraced her career and hoped that one day her turn would come. Her mother never stopped reminding her that marriage is very important.

Jimi was a young entrepreneur with so much strength, he is very passionate about his business and it’s not surprising his wealth is multiplying daily. This particular day he woke up very angry his accountant had complained about a particular sum of money he was supposed to send into the company’s account. He made the transfer using his token, he was debited but the money was not received in the company’s account, it’s been five days.

He hated visiting the bank but he had to go as the money was urgent, he met with the customer care representative who told him it would take seven (7) working days this got him angry and he insisted on speaking with the branch manager.

He was ushered into Leticia’s office, something about her caught his attention. Was it her calmness or her patience or her genuine concern? He couldn’t place it but he knew he had to get close to her. They exchanged contacts and they became friends.

Six months later, they started dating and they were so in love. There was a particular they decided to grab some groceries at the nearest supermarket it was there Leticia saw her old friend Matthew. She was excited when she saw him, he left the country in their third year in the university, and she hugged him and introduced him to Jimi. She chatted with him for a while and went back to Jimi. On Jimi’s end he was angry why would she hug another guy and even chat with him. This is not the first time Leticia had had to greet a male friend and Jimi would be angry but this time around he was mad. Immediately they got back to the car he slapped her. He claimed she disrespected him by hugging another man.

Leticia made up her mind to break up with him but he came back begging and because she loved him she forgave him. Two months later they got married and the monster in Jimi came alive, he beat her up at any slight provocation, he made her resign from her job and Leticia became a shadow of herself. If only someone had told her about love and marriage, if only she knew what it takes to get a good man she would not be deceived by that fake smile and all the fancy gifts. She was hoping her divorce would work out but until then the universe was definitely against her.

IF WE KNOW BETTER WE WILL DO BETTER

Don’t be like Leticia, I’ve meant singles whose requirement for marriage baffles me. As long as the man has enough money character is a small thing or as long as she is pretty character is minimal. Who gave you that analogy? Marriage is real work and it takes beyond beauty and even love to have a good home. Divorce rate keeps getting higher and I wonder why? A lot of people are married and they are not happy everyday feels like hell and I discover one major reason and the bible has said it all. Hosea 4:6a says “My people perish for lack of Knowledge”. KNOWLEDGE is very important. Marriage is not a place you enter into with assumed knowledge you really need to know.

This is why I’m inviting you for UNBROKEN CONFRENCE 2018 at the Harvesters International Christian Centre Lekki. Unbroken is the annual singles and married conference of the Harvesters church, the vision was birthed 3 years ago to help change lives and cause fulfillment in relationships. With the increasing rates of divorce and separations, dysfunctional homes, marital and relationship unfulfilment, broken relationships and emotionally bruised people, a swift and effective aid must come to the institution of marriage and relationships.

Since its debut, UNBROKEN has significantly contributed to increasingly successful relationships, happier marriages, building Godly homes and UNBROKEN 2018 promises to be even richer as seemingly complex topics will be unraveled.

For singles the issues to be treated are:

Why am I sill single?
Why bad girls get good guys?
Identifying the right mate.
Spotting time-wasters.
Dealing with hurts and heartbreaks

Married people are left out either as these issues will be dissected:

Sex in marriage.
Can my marriage still work?
Improving intimacy.
How to make your partner happy.
Navigating through the first 5 years of marriage.
Dealing with extra-marital affairs.
Parenting in a tech-driven world.

The line of speakers are amazing. We have Ezekiel Atang, Hassani Pettiford, Mowumi Idowu and Bolaji Idowu.

The venue is at Harvesters International Christian Centre Lekki, Block 94, Plot 22 Providence street (beside VFS) 2nd Round about Lekki Phase 1 Lagos. The date is September 26th -30^th 2018.

SEPT 26th, Time: 6pm
SEPT 27th, Time: 6pm
SEPT 28th, Time: 6pm
SEPT 29th, Time: 10am
SEPT 30th, Time: 7:10am, 8:15am, 10am, 11:45am

You can’t afford to miss it in marriage because marriage is too long to endure. Marriage is a journey of continuous learning. Don’t miss unbroken for anything! I look forward to seeing you

ZONED RELATIONSHIPS

Daniel had met Leticia at an event and they had kicked off from there, they became best of friends and they would always spend time together every day. Leticia saw Daniel as a confidant and she always enjoyed talking to him, in three months they got to know everything about each other. Over time Leticia started seeing him as a brother and without Daniel noticing she stylishly relegated him to the brother zone but there was just one problem Daniel wanted more but what could he do, he accepted his fate that he has been zoned by the lady he has grown to love passionately.

A lot of relationships that had the potentials to happen have been stylishly thrown away all in the name of zones but I discovered something in my experience and encounter with people it takes two people to successfully zone each other, both the zoner and the zonee played a major role in making a zoned relationship happen. Zoned relationships does not just happen it has started long before we realized it, the way you handle matters in relationship, you have plans to date a lady and then all of a sudden you start acting as if you are her father she will end up putting you in a box, the way you relate with the opposite sex goes a long in determining the strength and length of that relationship

SPIRITUAL FATHER ZONE

I really need to talk particularly about this zone; this particular zone level is common among university students and graduates. I’m yet to understand you are in 400 level and you are busy forming spiritual father for a lady you want to go out with, the wife you should marry you are there calling her daughter, the girl has a built a trust relationship around you so much that she dumps all her relationship problems at your feet and then you automatically assume the post of an assistant holy spirit and you are there burning inside even God is just watching you.

I’m very scared of this zone, the day you start acting as if you are her father the lady starts to pattern her life and thinking system to see you as a father figure. 

Brothers, don’t assume a post God did not put you, don’t take a job you were not employed to do. Stop choking a lady and acting as if you her father all in the name of trying to help her, as much as she needs your help be wise about it.

Before you zone him/her wait!

A lot of people have been so quick to make decisions they end up regretting, before you zone a person off be very sensitive and be very sure because over time you get to see their potentials and then you want to reconsider so I implore you to be patient before you throw that guy or lady in a zone. Time is a revealer of things before you make a hasty decision be patient.

I learnt a lesson some years back about zoning people, the guy you think does not have potentials or that lady you think is not smart enough you might be surprised to see them months or years later looking so different because everybody has great potentials some just find theirs before others. You really need to be sensitive because a lot of times your emotions can fail you so never use your emotions as a yard stick to zoning anybody off.

I understand that when you meet a person you want to be a friend so as to get to know them but the mistake a large number of us make is that we assume a position of authority while trying to be friends, be simple and keep your heart open, the way you relate with him or her goes a long way. The secret to not being zoned is this: be wise and smart in your relationships when a lady starts calling you “brother” stylishly reject it that is if you have the intentions to go out with her, don’t be comfortable with titles that are not yours especially when she calls you “best friend” stylishly let her know you have intentions so that you get zoned. 

CONCLUSION

There is always a solution to every problem, if you have been zoned then it’s not time to panic and accept fate take a bold step and make your intentions known. Love itself is a risk and you must be willing to take that risk.

I have seen guys who have been in a box and they gladly came out of it but you have to be willing to take that risk, I know a lot of you are scared of the relationship tearing apart but until you try you will never know, I’m sure you read Banky W and Adesua’s love story she has successfully zoned him but he tried getting out by making his intentions known, it’s never late to make your intentions known I implore you to take that risk it’s always worth it at the end of the day.

Omodara Onome

Life and relationship coach.