Onomewrites

January 12, 2017

TRUST IN RELATIONSHIPS

“Whether a friendship, family relationship, or personal partnership any bond is built on trust. Without trust, you have nothing. With it you can do great things. Think about it” (Lolly Daskai)

A young lady came to see me one day and she told me about how her fiancé does not trust her, she told me he would always check her text messages and even her chats and she told me she was tired. I’ve heard stories like this over time from other ladies and even the men.

It reminds me of my growing up, I loved my brothers so much that I started having issues when they introduced me to their fiancées I felt they would move their attention from me to them and so the thought of that gets me pissed off. The truth is I can’t marry them so why was I angry? Then I realized I’ve been selfish.

The background problem of people who have issues with trust is selfishness you love someone so much that you feel they should be with you alone, people have been in relationships and at the end of the day become strangers with their friends because their partners want them all to themselves.

On the other hand some people have trust issues because of their past. Most people who had cheating partners often find it hard to trust again the minute their new partner exhibit a character their ex possess the thought comes back and they start to doubt their partner.

If you have a partner who has trust issues its not time to give up on them it can be worked on and if you are the one that has trust issues don’t feel bad you can get over it.

HOW TO HANDLE TRUST ISSUES

Accept your faults: The first thing to do is to accept your faults because if you don’t accept your faults there is nothing you can do because you can’t wake up a person who is pretending to be asleep. Understand that you have trust issues and you are willing to be a better person.

Welcome people around your partner: The truth is we all need people, your partner had friends before he/she met you and the funniest thing is some of you even met your partner through their friends, so you see you don’t have to ask them to throw their friends away. Caution them when it’s getting too much and then I know there are some friends you feel your partner should not keep have a dialogue about them and then make them see reasons why they shouldn’t hang around such people and it should not come from a selfish heart let it be because you want the best for them.

Forgive your past: people have hurt you and trust me if you are reading this you are strong. Don’t allow the hurts of your past to control the joy of the present you need to let go. Forgive that your partner that hurt you and move on. If you feel you can’t do it then tell God about it, God is not just a provider of material things He heals hearts and give us real peace that surpasses all human understanding, I’m a living witness to this trust me it works.

Everybody is not your ex: just because your ex hurt you does not mean every other person you meet wants to do the same. You need to understand that everybody is not out there to hurt you. Live your life again.

Give yourself time: the truth is don’t expect a change overnight you need to understand that trusting people again will take time. If your partner is the one with this issue don’t get mad at them as long as you are seeing little changes don’t give up, they will surely come out better.

CONCLUSION

Love is not the only thing you need for a good relationship you need trust not partial trust but complete trust. Love is built on trust. You don’t have to become an FBI agent because you don’t trust your partner. If you have lost a partner because you trusted them don’t feel bad you have become wiser and better.

You are a champion don’t stop growing.

Omodara Oluwabunmi Onome

Onomewrites@gmail.com

December 18, 2016January 6, 2017

BE A CATALYST

“Everybody likes to be praised, but when praise is specific, it comes across as sincere- not something the other person may be saying just to make one feel good” – Dale Carnegie.

A catalyst is used in chemistry and it can be defined as a substance that increases the rate of a chemical reaction without being consumed in the process. A catalyst is so essential in any chemical reaction and so is a catalyst important in the life of every human being as it brings about a change.

The story was said of a young boy many years ago at the age of ten he was working in a factory. He longed to be a singer but his first teacher discouraged him. ‘You can’t sing’. He said. ‘You haven’t any voice at all. It sounds like the wind in the shutters’. But his mother a poor peasant woman put her arms about him and praised him and she told him she knew he could sing, she could already see an improvement, and she went barefoot in order to save money to pay for his music lessons. That peasant mother’s praise and encouragement changed that boy’s life. His name was Enrico Caruso, and he became the greatest and most famous opera singer of his age. This boy’s mother was a catalyst to him becoming a success story.

A lot of great men and women can trace their success story back to a man or woman who has spoken a word of encouragement to their lives and it has spurred them to work towards the actualization of their dreams. Imagine if Enrico’s mum had also told him he can’t sing he might end up not pursuing his dreams.

A lot of dreams have been shattered today because they were discouraged along the line why not be a catalyst to someone’s dream? Encourage your friends stop tearing them apart. Words have a great impact to those being said it to so why not use your words to lift up someone.

CRITICISM VS ENCOURAGEMENT
“Tell your child, your spouse, or your employee that he or she is stupid or dumb at a certain thing, has no gift for it, and is doing it all wrong, and you have destroyed almost incentive to try to improve” – Dale Carnegie.

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A lot of us are so guilty of this when people make a mistake the next thing we do is to shout at them and make them look so stupid while some of us are so good at finding faults we never see the good in others.

I know people need to be corrected I’m not asking you to flatter but you could make their fault easy to correct. Celebrate every little improvement you see in people if you want them to grow then appreciate their efforts. Don’t just find faults in people appreciate the good things about them.

CONCLUSION

Be a part of someone’s success story, encourage them, and invest in people. Encouragement is a food for the soul and it stirs people up to do more. Don’t stop encouraging souls and as you are doing that you are creating a path for your own success.
Be a world changer!

I believe in you!

Omodara Onome

Onomewrites@gmail.com

Relationship and life coach.

December 4, 2016January 6, 2017

HANDLING A CRUSH.

“You can’t judge a book by its cover. That is one of my favorite sayings because it’s one of the few sayings that are completely and utterly true. Once you start falling for someone you start to see everything differently, you see things others don’t, and it’s as though the imperfect people suddenly become perfect”. (Anonymous)

Leticia had been crushing on John ever since her friend introduced him to her at a birthday party, John had chatted with her and she liked him instantly. He told her a lot about him and she also told him about herself he got her phone number and left after seeing her off to her house. She had a dream about him that night and she was looking forward to him proposing to her.
Her dreams were abolished when her friend told her he was one of the hottest guys on campus and he was dating Sonia who was the finest girl in her department. Leticia thought with that confession she would stop loving him but unfortunately, she never stopped loving him. Every time he called her or she saw him she felt like hearing the word “I love you” from him. She really wished she was Sonia.
Leticia was in her third year and she has refused to enter into any relationship all her friends had advised her to stop dreaming that John would ask her out, none of those advices made sense has she could not get over what she felt for John but this time she was already tired of crushing on a guy for over a year a guy she knew could never be hers.

According to urban dictionary a crush can be defined as “a burning desire to be with someone who you find very attractive and extremely special”

A lot of people like Leticia are secretly crushing on a particular person for a long while and they can’t get over the feeling even when they know the person feels nothing for them. I was in the same shoe in 2014 when I crushed on a particular guy for more than 6 months and it was seriously killing me because I couldn’t concentrate and I ended up visiting a relationship coach. I can tell you I know how it feels so you could trust me on this.

THE FEELING
Nothing could replace the feeling of being in love and the person loves you back so a crush could be so frustrating because most times the person you are crushing on does not even feel anything for you so why waste your time and emotions on someone who feels nothing for you? Why not keep your emotions and feeling for the right person.

CRUSH VS. LOVE
Most times the person you are crushing on has this special thing that makes you love them it could their abilities or their beauty if you are real with yourself you are not crushing on their personalities you are only crushing on what they represent you find that person perfect you find it hard to believe they have their own faults. Most times the feeling is temporary.
Love on the other hand is a real feeling, it is genuine, pure and sincere, you love everything about the person their personalities and what they represent. You realize they are not perfect and it doesn’t matter, you are willing to work it out. You know you have your differences but both of you are willing to make it work and love itself is a decision so you have decided to make it work.

HOW DO YOU HANDLE A CRUSH?
1.Self-examination: The major problem people face in relationships is that when they are in love they don’t tell themselves the truth. Most times the person you have a crush on is not worth your emotions, you know even if the person proposes it might not last so why not save yourself from a terrible heartbreak and decide to get over the feeling. I came to a point when I told myself I deserve more. You know the person you are crushing on is not the best option so why settle for less when you can have the best?

2.Self- Determination: if you will get over the giddy feeling then you need to brace up and be determined to let go and aim for the best. Be determined to end it because if you are not determined no amount of therapy will work on you so be determined to let go.

3.Give it time: if you have a crush on someone most times when the person annoys you, you might start disliking him/her. Most times a crush evolves after a one day encounter with the person but when you start getting to know the real person you might be pissed off at what you’ll see. So before you start daydreaming and fantasizing get to know if you love the differences. Feelings fade over time so give whatever you are feeling time and see if the person is worth fighting for or worth waiting for.

4.Run away: use this step to check if your crush is genuine, try not to talk to the person for a week or two and see if you still feel the same way. Don’t force yourself on anybody, stop the lines of communication and see if the feeling is still genuine. I know this step is a bit difficult but you have to try.

CONCLUSION

If after doing all these things you still have the feeling then your crush might have developed into a real thing, you might be in love. If after 8 months you still feel the same then it’s time to take it a step further and give it a try. If after seeing the differences and running away and you feel it’s worth it then you could give it a try.

Love is never selfish so don’t ever force yourself on anybody, don’t ever force anyone to love you its frustrating. Don’t ever settle for less.

If you have not read my book the beau it’s a handbook on how to have your dream relationship then you are missing, download yours at https://selahsomeonetotalkto.com/2016/09/10/the-beau
If you need a friend to talk to I’m just message away just send a mail to me on onomewrites@gmail.com, I’ll definitely reply you and I’m more than willing to listen and help you out.
Don’t give up on love your dream relationship is possible.
I love you and I believe in you.

Omodara Onome
onomewrites@gmail.com
Relationship and Life coach

November 13, 2016January 6, 2017

SELF-WORTH

“With realization of one’s own potential and self-confidence in one’s ability one can build a better world” – Dalai Lam
As a young girl I battled with a low self-esteem for a very long while, I felt I was not wanted I thought I was not beautiful enough and it naturally affected the way people were relating with me. I was bullied and treated anyhow by friends when I was younger because I thought I was nobody.
The English Dictionary defines Self-worth as “The value one assigns to oneself or one’s ability in self-assessment. It is the value you place on yourself; your self-worth defines who you are.

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Low self-esteem is capable of making you feel ordinary it’s able to make you feel less, I was miserable till I found my self-worth until I found who I was people never valued me. The point is you will always be treated the way you treat yourself.

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People’s opinion about you should never reduce your self-worth nobody has a right over you, the truth is you owe yourself the best and nobody should make you feel less not your parents, not your siblings not even your spouse.

Your self-worth comes from you, if you ever had to wonder why you are being treated like nobody why you are not valued then it’s high time you built your self-confidence, it’s time to increase your self-worth.

“We cannot think of being acceptable to others until we have first proven acceptable to ourselves (Malcolm X)”. The world sees you the way you see yourself when you are look at the mirror every morning let me ask you who do you see? If you see a great man the world will see a great man and if you see otherwise that is exactly what the world will see.
A lot of people’s self-worth reduces when challenges come knocking on their door or after they have failed. Just because you have failed has not made you a failure. Failure is just a stepping stone to your greatness it should increase your self-worth and not reduce it because you are not ordinary.
Self-worth boosts your self-confidence when you know what you worth nobody can treat like you are nothing, when you know your worth then it helps you to know that you can do anything to the best of your ability. You are so intelligent and unique but you need to stand up and find your worth.

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Young lady if you know your worth no man can treat like you are a piece of rag and still expect you to be with him and young man if you also know your worth no woman should treat you like you are a toy that she’s managing. You are not meant to be pitied and managed.
You are a big deal and you are very important so don’t allow mistakes, inabilities and failure keep you in bondage find what you makes you unique and be who you are designed to be.

SELF-LOVE
“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world (Lucille Ball)”. Falling in love is very important if you want others to love you then you need to start loving yourself. Self-love will boost your self-worth. Until I loved who I was nobody valued me and every day I’ve never stopped loving the beautiful lady I see in the mirror. Make it a habit to say sweet things to yourself, tell yourself you are a big deal and I bet your self-worth and value will keep increasing.
It does not matter where you are now don’t allow the failures and mistakes of your past define who you are or who you will be. Stand up and raise your head up high because you are a very important person and you’ve got a great future.

Don’t suffer in silence if you ever need a friend to talk to just send a mail to Onomewrites@gmail.com and let’s talk it out, you don’t need to cry alone you are so special.

See you at the top.
I love you and I believe in you.

Omodara Onome
Relationship and Life coach.

November 13, 2016January 6, 2017

SELF-WORTH

“With realization of one’s own potential and self-confidence in one’s ability one can build a better world” – Dalai Lam

As a young girl I battled with a low self-esteem for a very long while, I felt I was not wanted I thought I was not beautiful enough and it naturally affected the way people were relating with me. I was bullied and treated anyhow by friends when I was younger because I thought I was nobody.

The English Dictionary defines Self-worth as “The value one assigns to oneself or one’s ability in self-assessment. It is the value you place on yourself; your self-worth defines who you are.

Low self-esteem is capable of making you feel ordinary it’s able to make you feel less, I was miserable till I found my self-worth until I found who I was people never valued me. The point is you will always be treated the way you treat yourself.

People’s opinion about you should never reduce your self-worth nobody has a right over you, the truth is you owe yourself the best and nobody should make you feel less not your parents, not your siblings not even your spouse.

A lot of people’s self-worth reduces when challenges come knocking on their door or after they have failed. Just because you have failed has not made you a failure. Failure is just a stepping stone to your greatness it should increase your self-worth and not reduce it because you are not ordinary.

Self-worth boosts your self-confidence when you know what you worth nobody can treat like you are nothing, when you know your worth then it helps you to know that you can do anything to the best of your ability. You are so intelligent and unique but you need to stand up and find your worth.

You are a big deal and you are very important so don’t allow mistakes, inabilities and failure keep you in bondage find what you makes you unique and be who you are designed to be.

SELF-LOVE

“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world (Lucille Ball)”. Falling in love is very important if you want others to love you then you need to start loving yourself. Self-love will boost your self-worth. Until I loved who I was nobody valued me and every day I’ve never stopped loving the beautiful lady I see in the mirror. Make it a habit to say sweet things to yourself, tell yourself you are a big deal and I bet your self-worth and value will keep increasing.

It does not matter where you are now don’t allow the failures and mistakes of your past define who you are or who you will be. Stand up and raise your head up high because you are a very important person and you’ve got a great future.

Don’t suffer in silence if you ever need a friend to talk to just send a mail to Onomewrites@gmail.com and let’s talk it out, you don’t need to cry alone you are so special.

See you at the top.

I love you and I believe in you.

Omodara Onome

Relationship and Life coach.